I don’t want to…

I’m fighting going back to bed. I don’t want to do this today. I just don’t want to. Nothing’s wrong…but very little is right. I’m tired. I’m worn, bruised and just want to sleep, my escape. I’ve been hurt, abused, lied to and lied about. I’ve been passed over and disregarded most of my life and I’m feeling it the past couple of days. Sometimes I think my name should have been “unwanted”. I don’t even want me today. I want me to go away.

Have you ever felt that way?

One more time I look to God. I talk to Him, pour out my pain and sadness…I heap on Him what He willingly took upon Himself over 2000 years ago. Will He take it again or reject me too? Everyone else has. He says, “come”. He bases His response on Himself and His promises…not my feelings or emotions…He invites me, heals me,  restores me and loves me based on His promises because they’re who He is. He embodies love and acceptance. He heals and restores because He is healing and restoration.

That’s why when we’re pitiful we can run to Daddy God. He never changes and is steady and reliable when we’re shaken and unreliable. Even in our ‘don’t want to’ states of hopelessness and depression He’s who He’s always been: God. Never waivering, ever faithful Abba.

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